


Get Freaky With It

by SleepySapphire



Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Emu fucks Kiriya but none of us want it, M/M, Mechanophilia, Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:34:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28465395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepySapphire/pseuds/SleepySapphire
Summary: On a run to the supermarket with Kiriya, Emu gets distracted with some... ideas.
Relationships: Houjou Emu/Kujou Kiriya, Houjou Emu/Kujou Kiriya/Parad
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Get Freaky With It

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this, I wanted my last fic of 2020 to be the most trashy, unbelievable thing, so I present to you all...  
> This.

"Emuuuuu…" Parad's voice, weak and rough, called to Emu from the other room. He looked up from the gingerbread house he had been slowly trying to piece together bit by bit and cast Kiriya a small smile before standing and heading into their living room, where Parad was laid up under ten different puffy blankets and an uncountable number of pillows that surrounded him like a barricade of comfort.

"What's wrong? Still feeling weird?" Emu did a double-take as he searched for Parad’s face among the various colors and patterns. Giving a guess, he reached out to push a pillow aside, smiling again as two eyes blinked miserably up at him, one blue, the other red. He gave a little nod, the lower half of his face obscured by a fat plush in the shape of a reindeer. 

“Not horrible though, right?” Emu questioned, reaching down to brush some curls from his forehead, as though to check his temperature. Parad gave his head a little shake, eyes blinking sleepily up at Emu. 

“C.C.Lemon…” His voice was muffled; Emu blinked, leaning over a little. 

“Eh?”

“I want more C.C.Lemon…” The very tip of Parad’s nose poked up over the plush he was cuddling, and Emu gave a nod, giving his head a few pats. 

“Got it.” He put the pillow back over Parad’s face.

When he turned back around, Kiriya was already leaning in the doorway, shades balancing low on his nose and signature red coat draped over his shoulders. 

“You’ve already gone out like, what, six times tonight? You’re probably tired, why don’t you hop on?” He grinned, and despite the fact that it was such an innocent and practical offer, Emu felt his cheeks warm up a bit as he gave a nod, hurrying to his side. At least this way they could bring back more than one round of snacks for poor Parad, who had been suffering the side effects of their curiosity towards bugster bodies after they decided to goad him into letting them use an MRI machine on him. 

“Emu…?” Parad’s voice called out again, still as sad and pathetic as before. Emu glanced back to him. 

“Coolish? Peach, and Calpis?” Parad sniffled, and Emu gave a small smile, nodding even though Parad couldn’t see him.

“Of course. Hang tight, we’ll be back before you can blink.” 

“Stay strong, buddy!” Kiriya’s arm looped around Emu’s shoulder, and Emu found himself tugged close against that warm, petite body as they quickly left Emu’s ramshackle little apartment and hurried down the steps of their complex, where Kiriya promptly transformed and Emu slid on. 

He had seconds to grab a hold before Kiriya sped off.

The ride to the  _ konbini  _ was swift and silent, just a few minutes up the road and on the corner of an intersection. There was no parking lot for the store, but Emu was fine directing Kiriya to just pull over into the alley next to the store. It was late, and not a lot of people were out, so Emu was sure he could get away with popping in and out in under five minutes if Kiriya didn’t feel like transforming again. 

After Kiriya came to a halt, Emu climbed off and yanked off his mask, nearly tripping over himself as he pushed down Kiriya’s kickstand with his foot. 

“You gonna be okay out here for a few minutes, or did you wanna come in?” Helmet under his arm, Emu looked down to Kiriya. 

“Eh, just go. I’m sure we’ll be back here again in an hour or two, and it’s not like the store isn’t open 24 hours.” Emu could almost feel Kiriya’s nonchalant grin; he put up with so much.

“Alright. Try not to drive off without me.” Despite the joke, there was still some concern that when Emu got out, Kiriya would be gone. However, Emu knew better, and Kiriya would never do that to him. 

It was just his anxiety. 

The cashier greeted him for the fifth time that day as he entered the store and quickly found the items he needed; two bottles of C.C.Lemon for Parad, plus a few different filled buns that range from sweet to savory, then a tall can of  _ kirin beer _ for Kiriya, and a few other snacks for them to munch on until their next venture out. Emu had promised Parad they would stay up with him until he was feeling better, so…

Just as he was about to check out, Emu grabbed three hot  _ onigiri _ for the three of them to share. It was getting rather cold lately, so perhaps Emu and Kiriya could set up their new  _ kotatsu _ later that night. It would be the first time they’ve shared one, so Emu was looking forward to the closeness and leg nudging. 

Did Kiriya like to sleep at them? Emu imagined Kiriya to be the type who, once his legs were under, he wouldn’t be out for hours at a time just because the warmth and coziness was too hard to escape from.

Or maybe he didn’t care for _ kotatsu _ that much? Emu felt his cheeks warm up a little; he hadn’t even really mentioned it to Kiriya; he had just thought of it this morning and had been having so much fun with the fantasy of cuddling together, he hadn’t actually stopped to ask Kiriya about it. He had gotten distracted after poor Parad got ill, he--

Emu’s eyes caught the image of a rather scandalous looking magazine cover, sitting over by the window among rack fulls of other magazines. There was a variety of them, from cooking to  _ manga _ , and shoved in the corner of the same row were issues of  _ gravure _ and other softcore pornographic books featuring girls who were either playful or sensual. It was normal, but Emu didn’t really… look at them when he went out. He preferred to keep that all to himself in private, where he could just buy online--

The middlemost magazine featured a tan young woman with short inky hair and glimmering eyes, half hanging off the front of some fancy motorcycle with her small, perky chest pushed outwards to offer the viewer a glimpse inside her loose-fitting black tank top. In her hand, she was holding a massive wrench, probably to give the impression she was good at…

_ Uh… _

“Here’s your change.” The cashier’s timid voice had his head snapping away from the magazine rack with a squeak, and despite the painfully obvious blush covering Emu’s cheeks, he could only pray he hadn’t been so… obviously staring. 

Grabbing his things, Emu made a hasty retreat to the door, unable to not glance back to the middle magazine once more, warmth heating up a little in his abdomen as he couldn’t help but make a comparison between the girl and Kiriya. 

_ Oh, no. _

As Emu stepped out into the brisk, cold evening air, he felt himself firm up almost instantly in his pants as his imagination replaced every single girl on those magazine covers with Kiriya. 

Kiriya hanging off a fancy motorcycle, Kiriya in some tight-fitting swimsuit tanning at the beach, Kiriya posing in a way that was  _ supposed _ to have featured some innocent-looking girl playing with her hair, Kiriya sprawled out on his back in front of a fireplace, decked out in some skimpy dress while giving an inviting wink up to the viewer…

Emu raised a hand to his mouth, swallowing hard as he walked the short distance to where Kiriya was parked and then stopped. 

He was still resting right where Emu left him, unguarded and not paying attention, waiting for Emu to pop back out and hop back on. 

Emu didn’t think he could get back on Kiriya without…  _ that _ being a problem, though, not just because Kiriya would feel it, but because of the pressure that came from leaning forward right where Kiriya’s rider belt was strapped across the front of his seat. 

Suddenly, a strange feeling washed over Emu.

He watched Kiriya for a few more moments before slowly making his way over, footsteps quiet as he approached and set the bags down. 

“That you, Ace?” Kiriya’s tail lights gave a few blinks, and Emu didn’t answer for several moments, eyes trailing over his sleek, slender body. 

How would… this even work? 

Emu bit his lip as he reached out, hand caressing up the back of Kiriya for a moment until his eyes landed on the perfect spot.

“Ace?”

“Kiriya-san… are you taking good care of yourself? It seems like... You’re getting a little rusty back here.” The words, stupid as they were, slipped out with unbelievable confidence. 

“Eh?? Ace?” Despite the fact he couldn't emote properly, Emu could still envision Kiriya’s confused expression. Then, his eyes fell down to Kiriya’s tailpipe, and an awful, awful idea crossed his mind. 

“Is this… rust, perhaps?” Emu’s hand trailed down towards Kiriya’s tailpipe, thumb brushing along the circular entrance. He was getting chilly, but his mind had already wandered off from their original task, sight set on more… adventurous things. 

It didn’t help that, despite being a motorcycle, Kiriya was surprisingly warm, and the moment Emu’s thumb dipped inwards, he could feel it wasn’t  _ exactly _ solid metal.

“ _ E-Emu?!” _ Kiriya’s let out a noise similar to a gasp, the frame of his body wobbling slightly, but not actually moving.

“Be careful, Kiriya-san! I’m inspecting you for any damages…” It was strange; Emu’s index finger slipped along the inside of Kiriya’s tailpipe. It didn’t feel at all like a metal pipe should feel, but rather it was… almost hot, and moist. Silky, with a little squishiness against the firmness of the walls to the tailpipe. 

“Buddy, that, uh, feels  _ really _ weird, so could you maybe--” A strange, guttural noise escaped Kiriya as Emu’s fingertip brushed deeper inside and then back out along the rim. Emu bit his lower lip, a rather obscene idea filling his mind. 

“Perhaps I should check it a little more, Kiriya-san.. My fingers can’t go that far in.” 

“ _ Huh?! _ Hold on a sec’, wait, we’re out in public, ya’ know!” Despite the hesitation, Kiriya didn’t transform back into his normal form, even as Emu pressed up closer to him, hand running along the fine leather of his seat and back over the cool, perfect yellow paint that surrounded his tail light. Another little noise fell from Kiriya and Emu grinned, thinking about how Kiriya might look if he were in the place of the pretty girl on the motorcycle from that  _ gravure _ magazine. He glanced down, eyeing the opening of Kiriya’s tailpipe, and even though it was cold, Emu shifted his hips forward, gently nudging the bulge of his clothed erection against the tailpipe opening, a silent request to continue further despite Kiriya’s lack of… well, anything to properly participate. 

“Hm. If only your colleagues knew how much of a horny weirdo you are~. Fine, go on, but make it quick. Also, you’re giving me a back rub later. And I want doughnuts for breakfast.” Emu grinned, hand still rubbing along the back of Kiriya with long, broad strokes as he continued to thrust gently against his tailpipe.

“Anything you want, Kiriya-san.” Biting his lip, a shiver of excitement rushed up Emu’s spine as he was given the okay to continue. Luckily for him, they weren’t very visible from where they were in the alley, so he quickly unzipped his pants and nearly gasped as cold air surrounded him. He shivered, giving himself a few strokes to warm up before pressing himself forward and into Kiriya’s tailpipe, groaning as Kiriya’s weirdly flesh-like insides closed around Emu. 

“K-Kiriya-san…” 

“Fuck… the hell happened to get you  _ this _ hard, huh? You really like going for rides that much?” Emu felt his cheeks burn a little as Kiriya laughed, and he suddenly thrust forward, smirking as Kiriya let out a choked squeak. 

“W-what about yourself, Kiriya-san…? You’re not… exactly made up of entirely metal?” Just like when they normally had sex, Kiriya felt wonderful to be inside of, all tight and warm and  _ willing _ for Emu. 

“Mm… It’s, ah, hard to explain…” Emu rocked his hips slowly, feeling himself slide deeper and deeper into Kiriya’s stiff tailpipe. He wished he had lips to kiss, or Kiriya’s chest to play with and bite, but with Parad back home, he'd take what he could get when he could get it.

“G-go on…” Emu breathed out, a stutter on his lips as he closed his eyes, hips moving slightly faster as he settled in on a pace for himself. Kiriya groaned but otherwise remained still aside from the movement caused by Emu thrusting into him. 

“You’re s-so fuckin’  _ weird _ , Ace’.” Could Kiriya feel what Emu was feeling? Emu wasn’t even sure how this was working, but he wasn’t going to question it. They needed to hurry up before some random person had the misfortune of catching Emu in the act. He reached down, hand gripping the length of Kiriya’s tailpipe as he picked up his pace, making both Kiriya and himself moan together. 

“I… don’t exactly know much myself, but I think… my insides are s-still pretty much intact... even though I’m… l-like this.” Kiriya gasped out, his frame shuddering slightly as Emu whimpered, his free hand rising up to his own chest, feeling for erogenous zones through his coat as he felt his climax beginning to approach. 

“Kiriya-san…” Emu moaned softly. He closed his eyes, his thrusts uneven and rushed as he leaned forward, clinging to the back of Kiriya for support as his orgasm suddenly crashed into him. He gasped, emptying himself into Kiriya’s tailpipe. Kiriya let out a small whine, his body shivering under Emu while Emu rode out his orgasm. After a few moments of silence, Emu finally slid out, cheeks flushed and eyes glassy as he shoved himself back in his pants and leaned down to grab their bags again. Kiriya huffed, his lights flickering on as Emu slid one leg over and climbed onto him. 

“The hell was that about? You still owe me, also.” He said. Emu laughed, giving a nod as he put his helmet on, letting Kiriya take control and drive off. 

“Sorry, sorry. I just… couldn’t get a thought out of my head.” He glanced down, attention lingering on the soft blue eyes of Kiriya’s rider form. 

“Uhhh-huuuuh. You get to explain to Parad why we took so long.” 

“Eh?!”

Oh  _ no _ …

They had forgotten about Parad!

Back at home, under a pile of blankets and pillows, Parad sniffled, cheeks puffed out while he stared up at the ceiling, annoyed. 

“Emuuuuu… Where  _ are _ you?” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading with me through 2020!! I hope everyone has a good new year, and I'll see you all back in 2021 for some more unspeakable nasties >3<


End file.
